I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
