so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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