Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
