***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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