I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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