i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i now understand why vodka
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
