My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
