So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
