Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
