Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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