didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
