Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
