I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
