In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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