oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
