I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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