"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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