yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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