Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
