i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
