There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
