you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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