just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
