Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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