I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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