Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
