The maid of honor just puked.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
