I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
