the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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