Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
