Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize