i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I deserve this hangover.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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