i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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