i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
try to milk me bitch
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