I hope mine doesn't look like that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
