Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
