you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
