when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
