I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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