Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
