I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
