this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
