it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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