Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
