He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
