I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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