Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
