Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
