i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
