Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
