Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
