all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
