i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
