That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
