my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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