Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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