Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize