ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
