i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
