I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize