Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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