She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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