You really coming over, don't trick.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize