I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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