I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
