i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
