I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
