and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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