Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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