Cold hands, warm shart.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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