well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
