You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
