Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
