Grow some girl-balls and come out already
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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