So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
