i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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