We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
