i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
