I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
