I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
