I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
