the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize