last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
