This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
