oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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