yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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