haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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