moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize