She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
