I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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