I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Everclear isn't food dammit
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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