Having a random hookup so left but love u
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
