i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
