thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
