Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize