We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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