Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
