I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you win again, gameday.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
