So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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