Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
