Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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