ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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