my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize