my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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