My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize