It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize